i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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