Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
