Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
