No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
