wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
