dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
