so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
