i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
