Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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