Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
