you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
