Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
home. puking in laundry basket.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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