I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
