dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
