How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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