I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
