So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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