i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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