i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
