Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
