ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
