My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
