we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
