I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
pray to the hookup gods
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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