I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
