When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
