I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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