Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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