The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
