saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
