I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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