He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
