I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
