Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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