Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
