We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
