I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
