I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
