wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
