i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
