Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
