The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
