Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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