It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
