Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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