Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
