what day is it and did you see me today?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
