the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
