I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
