yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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