I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
