I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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