i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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