I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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