Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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