Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
